stevenpiziks: (Default)
stevenpiziks ([personal profile] stevenpiziks) wrote2017-06-19 11:53 am

The Noise, Noise, Noise!

I'm starting to despise our neighbors.  I mean really loathe, hate, and despise them.

They're inconsiderate, selfish, and downright stupid.

And it all comes down to their lawns.

Every single day--and I mean EVERY SINGLE DAY--my neighbors in my subdivision are outside working on their lawns or their decks or their gutters.  They must have golf-course level lawns.  If a leaf falls, alarms go off. 

Normally I wouldn't give a shit.  You want to waste your life on this?  Go for it.  When you die, you can have "He kept a nice lawn" engraved on your tombstone. 

The trouble is, they're all so fucking noisy about it.  They do nothing by hand.  Ever.  Everyone has a giant lawn mower that can harvest corn to mow their weensy yards with, and they're LOUD.  Then they whip out the leaf blowers, which scream a high-pitched whine for hours and hours and hours.  I once timed a particular offender and discovered she worked her leaf blower for over three hours one afternoon.  As a write this, yet another neighbor is power-washing his driveway, which apparently requires an air compressor louder than a North Pacific chainsaw.  I have a neighbor who drags a machine out to bleach her gutter every so often.  Bleach!  I'm not making this up.

It wouldn't be so bad if these things happened all at once, for an hour or so a week.  But no--they happen every fucking day.  When one neighbor finally finishes, the next revs up his rusty toy.  It's like they wait.  "No, I can't do mine now--Fred over there is already making noise.  I'll wait until he's done to keep it going."

It's the leaf blowers that baffle me the most.  I watched the leaf-blower neighbor chase a pair of leaves across her lawn with her blower.  TWO LEAVES.  It would have been faster and more efficient for her to pick them up.  It would absolutely be faster and more efficient for her to just rake the lawn.  It would take maybe an hour to run a leaf rake over her bit of green, but she uses a leaf blower for three instead. 

Last February, the weather became unseasonably warm--70s all around.  The snow vanished.  My neighbors all rushed outside the get a jump start on their spring cleanup.  Leaf blowers!  Lawn mowers!  Power washers!  Vroom!  Rrrruum!  Fweeee!   All day long.  We had to shut the windows instead of airing out the house with the nice, warm air.  And the next day?  We had a windstorm and blizzard.  Branches came down everywhere.  Snow covered everything.  And when it all melted in March, it looked like nothing had been done.  An utter waste of time and gasoline, and my neighbors ruined a nice respite from the winter's cold with all the noise.

My neighbors are boorish twats, and the awful, rotten machine noise that ruins the tranquility of the neighborhood is the biggest factor in our decision to move away once Maksim has finished school.  We love the house.  We hate the neighbors.

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