stevenpiziks (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
stevenpiziks) wrote2015-04-20 03:08 pm
stevenpiziks) wrote2015-04-20 03:08 pm
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My Jurassic Park Prediction
I've watched the trailers, the sneak peeks, and the teasers, and I don't think I need to see the movie now. I've worked out the entire thing. Here's how the next JURASSIC PARK movie will go:
Jurassic Park, the attraction, will open with lots and lots of dinosaurs doing tricks to an amazed and adoring crowd of cute, happy tourists, including some bumbling, tubby ones for humor and at least one snotty soccer mom who will get eaten later. But we'll also see behind the scenes, where a dreadful experiment, created to make the park MORE MONEY, has been conducted by The Suits, and has conjured up a dinosaur the size and temperament of a rabid godzilla. The thing is growing bigger and bigger and smarter and smarter. If it gets loose, it will wipe out the security system, and release all the other dinosaurs. Worse, the Giant Evil Dinosaur will probably escape the island. Something Must Be Done.
The Suits send Stiff Female Suit off to see Hunky Dino Expert in order to persuade him to come to the island. Hunky Dino Expert (HDE) has actually managed to train a troup of velociraptors like a lion tamer, and they do his bidding. More or less. Will he pretty please come to the island and train the Big Evil Dinosaur, too?
After some persuading, HDE comes to the island with his velociraptors. But what's this? The Big Evil Dinosaur has already espcaped! The security system has been destroyed, and the dinosaurs are now munching, in descending order, on the fat tourists, the snotty soccer mom, and (horrors!) the cute tourists. We have to stop them!
HDE says "I told you so" in a number of witty ways, but sets out to subdue the chaos. He and his troop of raptors capture or kill most of the other dinos. During this process, the Stiff Female admits she still has feelings for the HDE, and, with a rogueish wink, he admits the same. However, the velociraptors are his life. They don't betray you like people will, though they may try to nibble your entrails. So really, he can't come back to the Stiff Female.
And the Big Evil Dinosaur is still out there, munching its way through dinosaurs and humans alike, getting closer and closer to escaping to the outside world.
At last, we're down to Stiff Female and Hunky Dino Expert and the raptors against the Big Evil Dinosaur. They lay a trap for the BED, and it nearly works. But what's this? The BED is smarter than we thought! It destroys the trap at the very last moment! The BED is going to munch both our Stiff Female and our HDE. Oh no!
The head velociraptor leaps out of a plot hole and throws herself at the BED. The BED chomps her hard. The Hunky Dino Expert rallies and uses the distraction to kill the Big Evil Dinosaur. Victory!
But no! The head velociraptor is dying, and in pain. HDE cradles her head in his lap with tears in his eyes. Stiff Female, who never liked the raptors before, now sees their value too late. Still, she tells the HDE there is only one solution. He resists at first, but in the end, he agrees. He draws his pistol and, whimpering about Old Yeller, shoots the chief raptor in the head.
The Stiff Female decides, just as in all the previous movies, that Jurassic Park is Just Too Dangerous and needs to be shut down forever. For real this time. No kidding. Until the next sequel, anyway. HDE admits that human contact is better than living with a bunch of dinosaurs and smooches it up with the Stiff Female. Happy ending! Except for all the tourists who finished up as dinosaur poo.
We end on a close-up of a piece of scientific equipment that still contains a piece of dinosaur DNA. Looks like the sequel is in the can.
And there we go! I should get $50 for every plot point I get correct. I'll bet it'll be all of them. Agree or disagree?
Jurassic Park, the attraction, will open with lots and lots of dinosaurs doing tricks to an amazed and adoring crowd of cute, happy tourists, including some bumbling, tubby ones for humor and at least one snotty soccer mom who will get eaten later. But we'll also see behind the scenes, where a dreadful experiment, created to make the park MORE MONEY, has been conducted by The Suits, and has conjured up a dinosaur the size and temperament of a rabid godzilla. The thing is growing bigger and bigger and smarter and smarter. If it gets loose, it will wipe out the security system, and release all the other dinosaurs. Worse, the Giant Evil Dinosaur will probably escape the island. Something Must Be Done.
The Suits send Stiff Female Suit off to see Hunky Dino Expert in order to persuade him to come to the island. Hunky Dino Expert (HDE) has actually managed to train a troup of velociraptors like a lion tamer, and they do his bidding. More or less. Will he pretty please come to the island and train the Big Evil Dinosaur, too?
After some persuading, HDE comes to the island with his velociraptors. But what's this? The Big Evil Dinosaur has already espcaped! The security system has been destroyed, and the dinosaurs are now munching, in descending order, on the fat tourists, the snotty soccer mom, and (horrors!) the cute tourists. We have to stop them!
HDE says "I told you so" in a number of witty ways, but sets out to subdue the chaos. He and his troop of raptors capture or kill most of the other dinos. During this process, the Stiff Female admits she still has feelings for the HDE, and, with a rogueish wink, he admits the same. However, the velociraptors are his life. They don't betray you like people will, though they may try to nibble your entrails. So really, he can't come back to the Stiff Female.
And the Big Evil Dinosaur is still out there, munching its way through dinosaurs and humans alike, getting closer and closer to escaping to the outside world.
At last, we're down to Stiff Female and Hunky Dino Expert and the raptors against the Big Evil Dinosaur. They lay a trap for the BED, and it nearly works. But what's this? The BED is smarter than we thought! It destroys the trap at the very last moment! The BED is going to munch both our Stiff Female and our HDE. Oh no!
The head velociraptor leaps out of a plot hole and throws herself at the BED. The BED chomps her hard. The Hunky Dino Expert rallies and uses the distraction to kill the Big Evil Dinosaur. Victory!
But no! The head velociraptor is dying, and in pain. HDE cradles her head in his lap with tears in his eyes. Stiff Female, who never liked the raptors before, now sees their value too late. Still, she tells the HDE there is only one solution. He resists at first, but in the end, he agrees. He draws his pistol and, whimpering about Old Yeller, shoots the chief raptor in the head.
The Stiff Female decides, just as in all the previous movies, that Jurassic Park is Just Too Dangerous and needs to be shut down forever. For real this time. No kidding. Until the next sequel, anyway. HDE admits that human contact is better than living with a bunch of dinosaurs and smooches it up with the Stiff Female. Happy ending! Except for all the tourists who finished up as dinosaur poo.
We end on a close-up of a piece of scientific equipment that still contains a piece of dinosaur DNA. Looks like the sequel is in the can.
And there we go! I should get $50 for every plot point I get correct. I'll bet it'll be all of them. Agree or disagree?