stevenpiziks | Substantial? Nope!

I haven't done all that much since I retired last August. Oh, Darwin and I have done some traveling. I've organized some areas of the house that really needed it. I've played a lot of video games. I've kept up with my exercise.

But I haven't done anything =substantial.= In the last six months, I haven't practiced my harp very much. I haven't enrolled in a class. I haven't looked for a part-time job. I haven't volunteered anywhere. And I haven't written all that much.

This is strange for me. Usually I have a bunch of projects going all at once. Usually I'm extraordinarily busy. Usually my days are full. I figured that when I retired, I'd feel liberated from the job I =had= to do and gleefully dive into the jobs I =wanted= to do. It hasn't happened.

I'm in a position I would have killed for twenty years ago. Hell, even two years ago. I can write ALL DAY LONG! If inspiration strikes, I can drop what I'm doing and follow it. I can do eight, ten, twelve pages, and not have to go to work the next day feeling like I had no time to relax. And I'm not taking advantage of it. My past self, the one who once wrote two novels at once while teaching full-time, is pounding his head against his keyboard and weeping.

And it took me a while to figure out why. Here it is:

I worked in a high-stress job. I dealt with long hours. I got a small, you-aren't-worth-much wage. For 31 years.

You don't decompress after all that in just a few weeks.

So I'm decompressing. I'm refusing to do anything that puts me on a specific schedule, which is why I'm not getting a job or volunteering or taking lessons. I'm not under contract right now, so I write only when I feel like it. This might last a couple more weeks, or a couple more years, or even forever.

I don't =need= to do anything more substantial. I just do what I feel like doing, when I feel like it.

It's awesome.

Substantial? Nope!

no subject