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Losing Family, LGBT Style
Jul. 2nd, 2016 08:43 amI came out to my family by telling then that I was dating. The conversation usually went something like this:
ME: I'm seeing someone.
FAMILY MEMBER: You are? That's great! Who is it?
ME: His name is Darwin.
FAMILY MEMBER: Oh! (pause) Well, that's wonderful!
Nearly everyone I talked to responded positively. A couple-three took some time to adjust, but adjust they did. Even my ex-grandmother-in-law, a staunch southern conservative, took it in stride. That was a big surprise!
A tiny few family members didn't take it so well. All of them are outside my immediate family. None of them talked to me directly about it. They just quietly distanced themselves. I noticed it when I realized I was blocked from them on Facebook.
But my attitude is . . . meh. One of the nice things about being an adult is that you don't NEED anyone. I'm past the point in my life where I worry about such things, and it's very nice. I don't need to worry that this person's dislike will get me kicked out of the house, or that person's approbation will make family gatherings uncomfortable. So-and-so won't come to Thanksgiving if Darwin and I are there? Okay, sure. I'm still getting turkey and conversation. I'm not losing out. Anyone who thinks I'm weeping in the corner because Great Aunt Fredericka won't speak to me is sadly mistaken. It's her loss, not mine.
Incidentally, I also don't do the "we can agree to disagree" thing. I really don't. A couple-three years ago, a former friend of mine announced that he was against same-sex marriage of any kind, even though he knew I intended to marry a man. I pointed this out to him and said, "You've just said that I shouldn't be allowed to marry Darwin, and that's an awful thing to hear from a friend."
"Well, I can't support same-sex marriage," he replied. "Marriage is between a man and a woman only. But we can agree to disagree."
"I never agreed to that," I said. "If you're in my life, you have to support my marriage to Darwin, because you'll be seeing both of us together. A lot."
"But same-sex marriage is wrong," he said. "It says so in--"
"I'm not going to argue wtih you," I interrupted. "We can't be friends unless you change your mind." And I walked away from both him and our friendship.
It bothers me not in the slightest.
ME: I'm seeing someone.
FAMILY MEMBER: You are? That's great! Who is it?
ME: His name is Darwin.
FAMILY MEMBER: Oh! (pause) Well, that's wonderful!
Nearly everyone I talked to responded positively. A couple-three took some time to adjust, but adjust they did. Even my ex-grandmother-in-law, a staunch southern conservative, took it in stride. That was a big surprise!
A tiny few family members didn't take it so well. All of them are outside my immediate family. None of them talked to me directly about it. They just quietly distanced themselves. I noticed it when I realized I was blocked from them on Facebook.
But my attitude is . . . meh. One of the nice things about being an adult is that you don't NEED anyone. I'm past the point in my life where I worry about such things, and it's very nice. I don't need to worry that this person's dislike will get me kicked out of the house, or that person's approbation will make family gatherings uncomfortable. So-and-so won't come to Thanksgiving if Darwin and I are there? Okay, sure. I'm still getting turkey and conversation. I'm not losing out. Anyone who thinks I'm weeping in the corner because Great Aunt Fredericka won't speak to me is sadly mistaken. It's her loss, not mine.
Incidentally, I also don't do the "we can agree to disagree" thing. I really don't. A couple-three years ago, a former friend of mine announced that he was against same-sex marriage of any kind, even though he knew I intended to marry a man. I pointed this out to him and said, "You've just said that I shouldn't be allowed to marry Darwin, and that's an awful thing to hear from a friend."
"Well, I can't support same-sex marriage," he replied. "Marriage is between a man and a woman only. But we can agree to disagree."
"I never agreed to that," I said. "If you're in my life, you have to support my marriage to Darwin, because you'll be seeing both of us together. A lot."
"But same-sex marriage is wrong," he said. "It says so in--"
"I'm not going to argue wtih you," I interrupted. "We can't be friends unless you change your mind." And I walked away from both him and our friendship.
It bothers me not in the slightest.
